Hero

I remember a story that I had read from somewhere, regarding a little girl who told her parent that she would prefer to be the person giving applause and claps for hero, instead of becoming a hero herself. The story touched me in a point.

I have been thinking sometime, who and what I actually hope and wish to be. I always try very hard to become a hero and most of the time, it doesn't turn out to be what I have expected and there are time, it turns out to be hilarious and epic fail. I have been asking myself

"Do I really want to be a hero"

Or was it because everyone around me think that being a hero is the only right thing to do in the world. And I was trying too hard for it, to become a hero for other people.

I admire the little girl, simply because she was able to see things in another side of view. A hero is created out from applauses and praises by people. Without those, they are nobody to anyone. When they are nobody, they will be trying hard to be "somebody" just like everyone did.

Life is our own path. It is fine to choose our own path and our own pace to walk it till the end. You make the decision to become "somebody" or "nobody", and neither is wrong. Just got to admit that too many people trying to be a hero and it has more than enough.

Depression

I'm supposed to be asleep by this hour. However my mind has been swirling in this abyss called "Depression"

Yes, I'm very depressing at the moment, regarding how I know my mind has been playing a trick on me with all the negative thoughts, low esteem and the fact that I haven't been doing anything productive. It is like there is a lock on my so called talent or potential you may call it, which has been limiting my own growth and sealing my potential in a tiny little box.

I can't seem to recall why or when is this happened, or am I the one lock it away when I was trying to throw away my naiveness while growing up to be a decent adult. I have realized that I'm probably the one who put up this lock and I need to remove it in order to grow more than what I am now. But it doesn't work out as I thought it should *ARGH!!* It looks like to remove a lock is harder than you lock it up *tear* Or perhaps, I just din't try hard enough *damn it*

Now that I'm letting out all of this by writing this post, releasing myself for just a bit. So that when I wake up tomorrow morning, I'm going to tell myself "A Good Day" and make my tempt to tear off the lock, even though it is going to take awhile. I just have to try harder and harder.

Talent, Potential, please wait for me. I'll be there soon enough to rescue you from this sealed box.

Single Ticket

Last weekend, I went to cinema in Alor Setar and get myself a single ticket for movie Xmen First Class and Green Latern. The shows are okay and in overall I enjoy my night with just movies and myself.

It's been awhile ever since I have to watch a movie by myself. The last time I did this was because I got a broken heart and really need to away from people. I got myself a single ticket for Robot the film, and I still remember some bad asses kicked my chair and dropped my pop corn before the movie started T_T After the night, I have never been watching movie alone in cinema. It was always with companion because I feel pathetic for doing it again.

But now, I changed my mind :) You just need to have different mood and different mindset to enjoy a movie night. It is not pathetic at all :D

Plan for May

Continued from my previous post, I had written a list of personal goals that I wanted to achieve and proceed with it. Now with some details on what I had thought of executing it.

1. Dance

- Every Tue 8.00pm for House.

- Every Fri 8.30pm for Apprentice Lv1.

- Every Sat 7.30pm for CSTD Jazz Lv1.

- Target: Proceed to Apprentice Lv2 within 6 month. Participate in performances and coming up Project Dance.

2. Drum

- Every Tue 9.15pm.

- Target: Sit for Grade 3 for next exam. Practice to complete 1-2 song drum cover with better skill and combination.

3. Study

- Every night 1-2 hours reading before bed time.

- Target: Completed Linux+ before July. Completed Influence at work self-improvement book before June.

4. Cycling

- Every Sun night ride with LM Bikers.

- Target: 80km Penang round island on 11th Sept.

Meanwhile, I will consider to slot in more dance classes such as New Style, Street Jazz if allowable, however I guess this is the initial plan and let's keep up with this first.

Personal Goal

I have many things in my mind that I wanted to do and has been telling myself to write them down from time to time.

1. Dance
2. Drum
3. Study
4. Travel
5. Cycling
6. Bass
7. Game

Will need some proper planning for each of it to help myself achieve them. And, maybe I will add swimming as one of the low priority goal, would like to master the Free Style swimming haha.

A Good Week

It's been eventful for this week that I was invited for dinner or attended activities every night included tomorrow, a Friday night dinner for friend's birthday celebration. Apart from being a little guilty that I did not do house chores, I had fun and enjoying all the outing and classes :)

I'm glad that this week has being a very good week for me and a big thanks to all the people that has been with me also. Hope that everyday I can make a different to my day, to be more meaningful and enjoying like what I have now.

Better

I'm doing better and better.
Not only I watch myself, and I was at the first row.

Now, what I need to do is
Maintain it, and do even better.
Wish me all the best!