I don't often write. As I'm a big time lazy bump and I don't have confident in my writing. Still, blogger seems like a consistent place I would signing in once in awhile when I need a space to vent out or looking back my past again.
Today, I sign in just to check what did I wrote in my past year. Realize that it was all about job complaining and stress on works. I have been wondering, anything I can do to make it better or not. Of course the final option would be find another job ya, tho I have yet wanted to come to this choice.
I figure I had been struggling throughout my whole year dealing with stress on works and my emotion. It has been very dynamic and oftenly I'm hit with the emotion of "giving up". Not just about works, but everything with life, people and even world. Of course I know this is madness so yea, I have very unstable mood swing on going to the point that I feel real bad for people around me. I'm so sorry for that!
The second part of the year is the most challenging ever. The specialist left the work place, undergoing reorganization, my once in a 5 years mood swing, friendship detachment......so much happened in few months. Now I'm back to being normal, getting closer with people and colleague slightly, although I still feel myself detach from the group. I don't know what can I do about it, I'm aware I'm not very friendly person that people would wanted to talk with me in first place. So mm...let see how.
A little derail:
Recently, seeing someone being close with the group make me feel jealous. I don't know how should I describe the feeling I had. Like a toy been taken away kind of feeling? Worse is, I know someone is more comfortable with the group, as that is where they belong, but not me....I just can't see myself fit in. And yes, I know I'm over thinking again....just I can't shake the thought off it. Somehow, it make feel like giving up, that kind of feeling just keep on haunting me. Sigh.
