Another Year

Looking back to my last year resolution that I had posted here, I thought I'm kinda lame for not fulfilling most of it (well, basically I have the tendency to drop it half way) and I was really wrong this round. Apart of the game development that me and Stephen used to talk passionately yet it died off, and the Linux paper which is half way through. I still completed the rest of what I had marked. (Applause to self for 5 min) Seriously, not bad, not bad at all.

Yet, another year passing (bow) with so much of experiences, lessons, bitter sweet memories, I have to once again put an end to it. Thank you so much on ME in 2013, you do a really good job for hang in there, do ya. Now, moving on to the new target and new resolution for new year. Here is the list I wanted to achieve:

1. Maintain a healthy sleep cycle.
2. Workout.
• Jogging & stretching in the morning.
• Swimming every once in week. When it is convenience okay.
• Cycling every once in week.
3. Drumming
• Linear drumming, fill in and song practice.
• Make it every Monday and Tuesday.
4. More study
• Make it 4 days a week.
• First priority - Linux. (Let finish up the long delaying paper)
• Second priority - Japanese. 
5. Photography
• Shoot more!
• Post-process more!
• Upload more!
• There is a reason for giving up the D90 and switch over isn't it. 

Oh uh, looks like the list is pretty tight. Let's give it a shot in 2014 as time is ticking away while I'm writing here. All the best, pal!

Confession

I miss him, sometimes. And it is frequent recently.

Still, I'm too much in my own dilemma to handle extra. Standing in front of junctions that lead to uncertainty.

Guess I'm pretty screw up ya. Such an unassertive and gutless person.

Breaking Apart

Hands are shaking...
Heart beating fast...
And I just keep accelerate, for I need to distracted away before it got so bad that I will start crying.

I know I need to share it out to off load my feelings. But on another hand, I do not feel like doing so. I almost lost it and going to break down in front of MK and SJ. And this is something I really hate to.

Again, car becomes one of the shelter place for me since I had cried once here. Perhaps, its because only me and music will be here...

Lost

Many times, I don't know what I'm struggling for, nor what I'm waiting for.

Over and over again, I am neglecting myself. For I already had the answer that nothing will change despite how many advices I had received from many people who cared for me.

LOST!!

Mask

Sometime, I may seem happy, cheerful, telling jokes around and laughing on each other.
Deep down ...frustration, confusion, depression had never let go of any single chance that they can find to slip into my mind.
So much that I felt lost, craving for light to shed on me and pull me out from this abyss, yet a vain.

Tho, I had learnt how to masquerade.
Telling myself that if there is one thing I can do to bring laughter out of people.
I shall endure.

Uncertainty

Dear my coward self,

There were time I would feel like kicking my own butt for sitting in one place far too long and yet I wasn't trying hard enough to change myself, nor influence the surrounding to be better. All I did was just making lot of noise, complaining, venting out, whining.

There were time I would hate myself for not assertive enough, couldn't make up my mind on what I want to do in my life. I always think I need more information and fact before I make any life time decision, yet I forgot about no risk no gain. Life is all about a game of betting, you may be win on this round, and lose it another around. Despite the outcome, you learnt and you move on.

Uncertainty is everywhere in our life, sometime you managed to catch a glimpse and sometime it is never been easy. And how many time I had forgotten about this as well. Come on, It's time to make a move and go on. ((´д｀))

Regards
Me.

Open Water Diver

Had a long weekend holiday last week in Lumut for the course. Now, I'm certified to dive in mermaid land :D Well, looking back to my targets that I had set in early of this year, there are a few that I had dropped and does not make it. However, I'm glad that I took up the courage to undergo the whole course and get myself a lifetime license. Perhaps my next target would be trying to get some more people to dive, so I can get more companions haha.

P/S: I'm a little lazy but I supposed I will post up a detailed entry about my impressed weekend later on.

New Year

Had been making plans with different parties which I foresee I will become busier for 2013.

• Linux exam in Feb, with WL.
• Taiwain trip in Aug, with Ang and WH.
• Scuba Diving, so I can visit Cynn who stay in Labuan.
  

These are main targets that I wish to fulfill in new year. Regardless, I too have some other targets and plans that I had make with other comrade too.

• Game development with Stephen.
• Cycling with mum.
• Hiking with AJ. 
• Swimming.
• Drumming.
  

Oh, not to forget I adopt a dollfie and I suppose I will have to do more photo shooting. I will soon get my hand on the doll at Feb when K is dropping by. And I also promised to bring him around during his vacation somewhere in Sept. 

A good start for the new year that I have so many to-do but apparently it doesn't look like I can complete all the above. So, one gentle reminder to myself that I should enjoy and get to learn a lot during the process, and less visualize about the outcome. It is alright to not finish it, because I can always come back to it, that I know it's true. Happy New Year! Wish everyone have a great year and achieve more than the past :D 

P/S: The most precious lesson I had learnt was to realize that I'm not alone :) It is good to have fighters with you and we move forward together, give each other a push when needed.